Me: Hey, we're all out of lotion, and after mowing the lawn and washing up, I feel really dry.
My Lovely Wife (MLW): Well, here. You can use this.
Me: No I can't.
MLW: Why not?
Me: It says "night cream". It's day time.
MLW: Well, then use this.
Me: Uh - it's brown. I'm not putting brown stuff all over my face.
MLW: It's not brown - it's cream colored.
Me: It's the color of poo.
MLW: You are acting like such a - girl!