I need some cream, honey

Me: Hey, we're all out of lotion, and after mowing the lawn and washing up, I feel really dry.

My Lovely Wife (MLW): Well, here. You can use this.

Me: No I can't.

MLW: Why not?

Me: It says "night cream". It's day time.

MLW: Well, then use this.

Me: Uh - it's brown. I'm not putting brown stuff all over my face.

MLW: It's not brown - it's cream colored.

Me: It's the color of poo.

MLW: You are acting like such a - girl!