White Knight or Sacrificial Pawn

I know there's been a lot of (deserved) angst regarding a potential agreement between the Obama administration, the Justice department, and the biggest financial firms.

The deal would go like this:

Justice Department(JD): Hey, major banks?

Major Banks(MB): (Looks up from eating a baby.) Yesssss?

JD: Remember how you made billions of dollars and then crashed the economy, caused massive unemployment and drove people's pension and retirement funds into a downward spiral?

MB: I kinda remember that. Something before I started making money hand over fist, made record profits and gave out bonuses to the highest people while laying off more people while asking for more tax cuts because without more money I can't employ people?

JD: Yeah, it was when you got a massive bailout so you were able to survive.

MB: I was forced to take that I'd have been fine without it!

JD: Whatever. Look, we did some checking, and looks like some of those billions of dollars you made came from fraud.

MB: Fraud? What's wrong with that?

JD: It's illegal.

MB: Really? Greenspan said that the market would correct fraud, that the market was everything, and Ayn Rand was soooo sexy -

JD: Nope - fraud is still illegal. Telling people their investment was good while you knew it was bad is illegal. Faking signatures on mortgage documents to change the conditions of a loan - that's illegal. Submitting paperwork showing someone is a good mortgage risk when you know they're not - that's illegal.

MB: But - I'm innnocent! It wasn't me - it was the one armed man!

JD: Yeah, well, I got word from my boss. Hold on.

MB: What are you doing - let me go - ow that hurts!

JD: I just slapped you on the wrist!

MB: But it stings so hard!

JD: Promise never to massively defraud people and institutions again?

MB: Oh I promise!

JD: Are you sure - because it seems like you guys are big on the repeat offenders list. You keep promising to change, get a fine, and then nothing happens.

MB: Really really we promise this time! Just don't let mean judges actually call us out on never actually fulfilling our promise to do better!

You get the idea. And it looked like the Obama administration was going to create a deal that would basically give a slap on the wrist to the financial firms - or even let states investigate the crimes.

This makes Obama's State of the Union address where he announced a financial fraud investigations team so interesting. And it's not just the announcement of this group - it's also who's heading it up.

Eric Schneiderman, Attorney General of New York State, has been very adamant about making the financial industry pay for their bad behavior. Only - it looks like this investigative task group has no interest in really doing anything interesting. Schneiderman might just wind up being a figurehead, lending his name to the project.


So which is it? Will he be the white knight to lead the charge against the giant vampire squid - or someone sacrificed to lend a vener of respectability to the cause?

The Scorched Earth Primaries and Republican Tactics

When Obama became President of the United States, there was much talk about an era of "new bipartisanship." He came in and started offering the hand of friendship, nominating Republicans for top offices like ambassadors and important policy decisions. His health care plan was crafted to mostly a wish list of Republican ideas - mandated health insurance, for example.

The Republican response was to basically say "If we don't get our way on *everything*, then you get *nothing*." Ideas they had championed for decades - Pay As You Go legislation to head off deficits, for example, ideas that Republicans proposed were suddenly voted against if Democrats were willing to go along with it. Chuck Grassley proposed mandated health insurance - then attacked it as unconstitutional and dangerous when Obama put it into the health care bill.

The plan seemed simple: All for me, and nothing for you. Not just nothing for you - the Republicans have spent nearly 4 years saying "Screw you" to everything and anything the Democrats propose, even if 24 hours before Republicans agreed with it. Every vote in the Senate is now cancelled unless Democrats can get a 60 vote majority. Every Obama nomination requires the same. Oh, did we pass a law saying there was consumer protections? Yeah, good luck getting anyone to fill the seat to head it up.

The idea is by denying Obama anything and everything, they can get what they want. And for the most part, it worked. When faced with blowing up the entire country or giving in to Republican demands, Democrats have decided not to let the entire system fall apart. So Republicans have learned the lesson: acting like terrorists holding a bomb to the United States will get you result.

And now - that mentality has struck the Republican primaries.

You have Mitt Romney, the would-be nominee. On paper, he doesn't look too bad. Republican who was in governor of a liberal state. Has enough money. No major skeletons in the closet. Clean cut. Looks nice.

And yet - he can't close the deal. Maybe it's the "I was for abortion now I'm against it," "My health care plan for Massachusetts which the Obamacare plan is based on is a horrible thing," "Gay marriage is awesome until I'm running for the Republican presidential ticket and then it's awful" issues. Or it's the "I only pay 15% in taxes and I have $200,000,000 in the bank - yet I pay less money in taxes than a secretary because that's totally fair because mine is investments instead of actual work." Maybe it's the Mormon thing - evangelicals have their scrotums vanish up into their bodies at the idea of a Mormon president ordering the US military to send Mormon missionaries two by two unto every doorstop in America.

Whatever the reason, the scorched earth policy the Republicans took with Obama - is now being visited upon Mitt Romney. Newt Gingrich is totally unelectable, he's been making racist comments about how "black people should stop asking for food stamps and ask for jobs" (Why black people, specifically, Newt? I mean, "poor people" is at least a Republican talking point for the lazy, but why are "black people" the ones not working compared to the what - "hard working white man on medicare who's not on the government dole unlike those lazy black people"?). Same with Senator Rick Santorum. You'd think that they'd fall in line, support their candidate's party-

And yet they are doing everything they can to destroy Romney. Calling him a "moderate liberal." Rick Perry is dropping out and going to support Gingrich. The conservative christian base is nominating anyone but "that Mormon" because well - you know. Mormons aren't Christians (even though they worship Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior from sin forever and forever amen - but that's not Christian enough for those folks).

From what I'm seeing, the Republicans are willing to destroy even themselves if they don't get what they want. "We don't want Romney, and we have this bomb set to go off if he's nominated."

I don't know if Romney could beat Obama in the general election. But at this rate, it won't matter if the Republicans are willing to destroy themselves.

Life - is like Minesweeper

We like to think that life is like chess. Everything is set up equally on either side, and it’s just our intelligence, our experience, our wits against the rest of the world. Against any and other comers, and we rise or fall based on how well we play.

I’ve learned that life isn’t like that at all. Life is more like Minesweeper.

Some of us were born under simpler, easier circumstances. Everything charted out for us, already set up with homes and school and contacts that make the decisions to easy. Oh, you have to guess a little - perhaps you’re born with a genetic deformity, but really - odds are, you’re going to come out on top.

But for so many of us, life is far more complex. So many choices. You have a strategy, you avoid the mines, use your wits. Eliminate what doesn’t work and find your path. Perhaps you’re smarter than other people and get further.

What you can never escape, though, is that sooner or later - you have to guess. There’s no way to logic your way out of it. You can apply statistics, reason, and all the rest to the problem. But at the end of the day, you’re going to look across your options - and you have to guess. There is simply no. Other.Way.

And odds are - you’re going to guess wrong. You’re going to fail if you want to win the game - or else you have to settle with what you have, and just let it be.

Maybe you’ll even guess right this time - but what about next time? Or the next?

Odds are - you’re not going to be on top. There is no luck, there is no destiny - you play every trick and idea and though you have, but ultimately - it comes down to deciding if you’re going to settle - or going to challenge life one more time and hope it doesn’t blow up in your face.

The Peanut Butter Banana Sandwich Guide for People Who Aren't Whiny Babies

WARNING TAKE THIS SHIT SERIOUSLY!


OK, look, people. 


This stuff tastes good. In fact, it tastes so good you don't dare eat it. Eating this food is so good that it can cause men to spontaneously lactate and women to sprout gigantic wieners and impregnate themselves! Under no circumstances do not eat this unless you have approval from a doctor!


Still with me? Now pay attention so you don't get lost and accidentally blow your brains out with awesomeness!


Step 1: Get your shit together. You need a banana. Some peanut butter. Bread. Butter. No, I didn't say margarine - I said butter damn it we want this stuff to taste good.

Now peel that banana. Don't be a chicken about this. Yes I know it's all phallic shaped and you want to put it in your mouth, pervert. Don't. Save it for the sandwich.

Yeah isn't that sexy? Now slice that stuff lengthwise. Yeaaah doesn't that look pretty. Appreciate the banana - it is after all the atheist's nightmare. Yes, there's actually motherfuckers dumb enough to think that.

Now slice those suckers up. Lengthwise you tool! Oh, are you gonna cry now? Go ahead. You're not worthy of this sandwich unless those are tears of blood from how good this is gonna taste!

Now, smear that bread with peanut butter. Don't be Scrooge with this stuff - Jimmy Carter himself might have planted the peanut trees, and you're gonna damn well eat them, enjoy them, and get that protein rush from them RRAAARRRHHH YEEEAAAAHHHHH.

Lay those bananas down. Get them really close to each other. Look how they're spooning each other. Those bananas love each other the way your girlfriend loves you. Or your boyfriend. Or whatever the hell you date. Better not be a turtle though cause those fuckers bite.

Where was I? Yeah. Bananas. Put them on, then cut off the edges. Those you can shove in your mouth cause like the buffalo, we don't waste any part of the banana. Except the peel.

See this? It's called a skillet. Love your skillet it's your best friend now and you will die for it. Put it on the range and heat that sucker up. Not too hot, damn it, don't be a moron.

Now put butter on the top side of your sandwich. Yeaaahhhhh make that sucker nice and lubricated. I bet you're getting excited now? Well keep it in your pants.

Put the sandwich onto the skillet. Smell that? It's melting butter. It smells like flavor, sucker. Cook that shit up. Listen to the sound it makes. If your nipples aren't hard now nothing's going to do it.

Check the bottom - it better be a nice golden brown. I swear to Yahweh you make this sandwich black you shouldn't let yourself live.

Yeah look at that. The only thing prettier that brown is a Hawaiian girl in a string bikini. Are you paying attention to your sandwich or are you thinking about the girl? Turn the sandwich over you fool and cook the other side too!

 Yeaaaahhhh now get some blueberries because they'll make you grow hair on your crotch. Look at those together. Does that look right to you? Fuck no do it right!

 Cut that sucker into triangles. No, not rectangles cause rectangles are for chumps! Triangles damn you! Split it open. Oh look at that peanut butter all warm and dripping. Touch it. You know you want to.

Perv.

Put the blueberries in the middle. Like that sandwich is eating those little tasty balls of antioxidants. That's right - your sandwich is eating the blueberries, and you're gonna eat the sandwich. It's a circle of life thing AND YOU ARE THE TOP PREDATOR JACKASS!

Now eat that shit. I said eat it. Yeaaaahhhh isn't that good. 


You're welcome.

Secure email

I was asked by a gentleman I know about secure emails. He's looking to send information from himself to another physician, and wants to make sure it's encrypted end to end.

I'm thinking something like PGP or gnuPG for the most part, but otherwise http://www.hushmail.com looks like a possible alternative - though I'm not sure if it will be HIPAA compliant since a) the data is stored even though it's supposed to be encrypted, and b) it's in Canada, so not sure about the legalities there. Also, Sendic might be another option at http://www.sendinc.com/about/how-it-works .

Any other ideas?

Musicals

I love a good musical. Oh, cue the people making jokes about a guy who likes musicals. Deal with it.

Right now I'm watching the movie version of "Phantom of the Opera." Compared to the actual stage version, it's OK. The singers aren't nearly as good, but - it's passible.  And Jennifer Ellison as Meg is just adorable. But seriously - what's with the guys mooning people scenes?

I should get the movie version of "Rent" sometime and view it. I like the music even if the story was pretty simple. But I love some "Sunset Boulevard."

That said, my favorite will always be "Les Miserables." The story of a man battling against a system stacked against him, trying to do the best he can to be a good man no matter what it costs him. I've been far from home lately, and while I certainly can't relate - you get the feeling how much the main character just wants to be with the people he truly cares about.

The Truth About Rage Comics

If you've ever checked out the atheist community (yes, there's people who get together who don't believe in divine beings or religions, because it's the one place where they feel like they can say so without being threatened with Hell/curses in the name of Yahweh/death threats), sometimes you may encounter the legendary Rage Comic.

These are set up in a simple format with stock meme generated pictures, and highlight a frustrating discussion. Often, they paint a religious person as being silly and intolerant. Honestly, I'm willing to bet that many are exaggerated accounts or simply use straw men to make a point.

That said - don't dismiss them altogether.

Yeah, there's some rage story pictures out there that make you go "Seriously? How can anyone say that? Nobody is that stupid and/or ignorant and/or cruel."

Let me tell you from personal experience: You can never be too sure.

When I came out of the atheist closet in 2009, I was leaving behind the Mormon church that I had been a member of - well, literally since age 9 when I was baptized and made official, but really since the day I was born and my parents started brainwashing teaching me about the faith they belonged to.

I won't go into too many details, but it's not as easy as you think, even if you spend 10 years in the closet as an atheist because you're worried about what your friends/family/wife/children will think - and when that community has been your entire life, every major point since you were old enough to understand the world.

Anyway. I turned in paperwork saying "I'm not a Mormon anymore, take me off your lists, don't bother me." Nothing much happened (turns out there was other local drama anyway), so nobody in my local group new.

Until I got a call asking if I'd accept a calling (all Mormon positions are filled by members that don't get paid), and I told them "Um - didn't you get the memo - I left."
They thought I was joking. We chatted, and that was the end of that (and I noticed that I no longer got requests to do business for them. Yeah.).

Few days later I got a call from one of the local leaders asking if it was true. I said yes, I was an atheist, had been for years but didn't say anything but recent events (aka gay marriage and local leaders going row by row asking members to fill out a ballot measure "this isn't a political issue but a moral one so it's ok!" made me leave).

Then - he asked "So, if you're an atheist, you worship Satan now?"

Hold onto the facepalm, kids. Yes, this really happened. Yes, religious people including Christians believe this. Why?

Because that's what I'd been taught.

There's a Mormon scripture that talks about an atheist. Story goes like this:

Korihor: I don't believe that Jesus is going to be born in Jerusalem in 400 years (Mormons believe ancient Israelites came to America on boats in 600 BCE) and I don't believe God you have no evidence!

Alma: God exists and Jesus will be born.

Korihor: Prove it!

Alma: The universe exists, therefore God exists. Checkmate, atheist.

Korihor: Nuh-uh. Show me a sign.

Alma: Ok - in the name of Jesus - you're deaf and dumb!

Korihor: (Using tablets or gestures or something.) You got me. See, I really knew God and Jesus are real but an angel of Satan came and told me to deny God and Jesus and I'd get cool stuff. (Which makes no sense - an angel of Satan proves God and Jesus, but really how stupid are you to say sure agent of Satan I'll go to hell after I die as long as I get some hot two girls one chalice action in this life).

Alma: That's because all atheists really believe in God but they worship Satan so they can sin without guilt.

Korihor: Yup so can you fix me?

Alma: No.

Korihor: Damn. (Goes out, gets run over by a chariot and dies.)

Alma: Thus happens to all non-believers!

So there you have it. My friend wasn't stupid. Smart guy, worked hard, loved his wife and 5 or so kids. But he had been taught from the time he could speak an idea, and nobody had ever come along to say otherwise.

That's what you're facing, people. Sure, I'm sure many rage comics are straw men arguments or exaggerated.

But don't overestimate the power of a lifetime learning something completely wrong.