Telephone: Hi, this is SomeDude from American Express.
Me: Um - ok, sure.
SomeDude: Well, we're calling because you qualify for our accidental insurance program - should something happen to you, get laid off, get into an accident, your bills will be covered.
Me: Is this a joke?
SomeDude: No, sir.
Me: Look, I don't know how you got into my medical records. But it's bad enough the doctor tells me that I've only got 30 days to live. I'm trying to get my affairs in order, and *now* you guys call up because you're worried I won't be able to make my credit card payment before - before I - go?
SomeDude: No, sir! That's not -
Me: I had to tell my wife earlier today that I'm not going to make it to Thanksgiving, and now you guys are already up about making sure you get yours. Well, you can just take me off of the call list. Let me have some peace, all right? I - I just want to have some peace.
My Lovely Wife (MLW): You're evil.